Sorry, It's not my day.....

When do I get excused from parenthood? When do I get to pick and choose which days I want to “play” parent?? When do I get to ignore my kids and have people say to the other parent “Well, you’re the one that chose her” When does it become acceptable for me to take care of my children based on the way I feel about the other parent…I mean since I don’t care for/love/like the other parent I shouldn’t have to care for their children right? When does my irresponsible behavior and bad life choices get to be excused because the other parent just made a bad choice when they slept with me??

So here it is….I hate hate hate when I’m talking about the absence of the “other parent” from my children’s life and the response I get is “well, you’re the one that chose him”

Really?? Is this the best you can think to say? So along with raising the children on my own I should just accept being a single parent because, yes, I slept with what was cleverly disguised as a man?? I just HATE this dismissive attitude towards the other parent like that just excuses him from all responsibility because I made the bad choice?? Well you know, when I found out I was pregnant with my first child…guess what…I wasn’t ready to be a parent….matter of fact, I was told that I would not be able to even get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs; sooo technically I shouldn’t have to own up to that responsibility right?? Or when I got pregnant the second time, I was only prepared for one baby so the fact that it turned out to be twins should excuse me right?? Nope, I wasn’t ready for any of this…but guess what? I accepted the fact that I brought life into this world…even when the other parent didn’t want me to…and I stepped up to the plate to be an adult...

Now I know there are indeed those situations where women sleep with men who already have children they are not taking care of and act surprised when, WOW they don’t take care of their child either. But not every case is like that.  And neither was mine. What about those who didn’t show their “true” colors until the relationship was over? I know couples that were married for many years where the husband was a seemingly loving father, but once the marriage ended, it was out of sight out of mind with the children. Spending time with their children was reduced to whether it was “their day” or not….

So those mothers not only accept the full responsibility of raising the children, but also the fact that they have to raise them alone because…hey, it’s not the other parent’s fault, it’s her because she chose him??

Such bullshit….grow up! That is not an excuse…you have children now…you should at least act older than them! I just feel like as long as the other parent's behavior is excused nothing will ever change. Women start to feel like bad mother's who "chose" the wrong man, start feeling deserving of the behavior of the other parent...the burden of guilt for the father they have "chosen" for their children can be heavy and great...

I can’t imagine my life without my children…it’s hard for me to even go throughout ONE day without missing them like crazy. I can’t sleep at night knowing they have a need that hasn’t been met. How is it so easy for you??

Was I ready to be a mother when I had my first child?? No..not at all.... but ready or not…a mother I’ve become…

#SWAKlife

So Buzz has a favorite child....so do I!

So a few weeks, days, hours ago...I don't know...sometime recently in the news....this father of two, Buzz Bishop, candidly admitted on his blog www.buzzbishop.com to having a favorite child. The media went wild...chastising him, questioning his parenting, just about everything short of having child services come take his children away. I suspect I know why the sudden outburst of parental hate towards Mr. Bishop.....because he was speaking the truth that no parent is supposed to admit! Now, before you include me in the recent hate bash with Buzz, let me explain. All I'm saying is that I can kind of relate to what he was saying about having a favorite child....BUT unlike Bishop I'm not saying that out of my three children I have an overall favorite...but I will admit to having a favorite child for certain things/activities. To give you examples...Carter Brooke (2yrs old) is my favorite child to cuddle with. Does that mean I don't like to cuddle with my other children? No....just that Carter is my favorite child for that activity. She gives good cuddle!! Lol! She'll just snuggle with you and give you sweet kisses and touch your face and lets me hold her as long as I want....whereas Camden will give me about 2 minutes tops of cuddle time before he wants to get down and Kennedy...well...she is already "too big" to cuddle {tears...she's only 5?? Geez!} but sometimes when she is not feeling well she'll let me cuddle with her though...hey gotta take what you can get around here.

Speaking of Kennedy....that's my roll dawg right there!! The rare occasion the twins are with the "other parent" or their grandparents for the weekend and it's just me and her....we ride out!! Okay...don't think I'm like taking her to the bars or anything...but we will go out to eat, maybe catch a movie or something. She is my favorite child to go to restaurants and the bookstore with....I mean hey she can feed herself and read so she's practically grown. With her I can hang out a little later, have interesting conversations like this one

.....and going from 3 kids to 1 just feels like you're practically childless! (Why didn't somebody tell me how good I had it with just one child! LOL! I kid, I kid...but really...why?)

Last but certainly not least is my Cam (2yrs old)....now he takes care of mama. He is my favorite child to share a snack with. One because he's so polite about it...using his manners...please and thank you...okay it's more like "peas" and "tank you mommy" but you get the idea. Not only that, he makes sure mama is full always offering me a piece of his snack....which is always covered with his sweet baby sugar so I usually decline...not to thrilled about having my snacks "pre-chewed"

But anyway, my point is I think if parents really admitted it, they might realize that they have a favorite child too....maybe not overall favorite like Bishop admitted to...I think that was taking it a little far...just my opinion, but at least he was honest with himself about it and that's more than I can say for some parents walking around lying to themselves...

Let me know what you think!

#SWAKlife

Football and chicken!!

So this was an exciting weekend for the Rankin family. The twins attended their first Alabama A&M football game! Yay!! I've been waiting on this day for awhile now...the twins were too sick to attend games before because of respiratory issues. All in all we had a great time but I think my favorite event by far was tailgating!! We stopped at one tent to enjoy some grilled chicken...Carter was particularly fond of it...she was dancing to the music and eating her chicken enjoying life!! Unfortunately it had to come to an end because I needed to get the kids dropped of with their grandparents/babysitters so mama could go out that night. Well, lets just say Carter was not too pleased to part with her chicken!! She immediately started crying and screaming "CHICKEN!!!!" and continued this until we made it to the car..lol! What can I say..my baby loves her chicken!!

How I do it - The morning rush.....

Two phrases I hear all the time…1. ”Oh you really have your hands full” {glad you noticed why don’t you use one of your FREE hands to help me instead of just standing there looking??!} and 2. “I don’t see how you do it with three kids by yourself” {Well if I didn’t then who would??}

I never know how to take those comments…do people mean them as compliments or as pity…who knows? But let me address one of those phrases….”I don’t see how you do it with three kids by yourself”…I usually joke and tell people that alcohol helps….okay okay…it’s a little bit more truth than joke but hey…I think I deserve a drink every now and then right?? But really “how I do it” is to be organized…now let me be the FIRST to tell you…organization is NOT my speciality by far and don't think you will come over and find my house all neat and organized….but with three kids under the age of 6 it is a necessity whether I like it or not. So let’s just take the busiest time for me which is that morning rush…ugggh!

1.       Prep/pack the night before – iron clothes and get everything you will need together…including socks, shoes, hair bows, belts, bottles…whatever {You have NO idea how much missing socks can hold up my morning!! } Pack diaperbags/bookbags/lunches and have everything you’ll need to walk out the door in one place for easy pick up in the morning. Depending on the age of your children, try to plan for the unexpected as much as possible…for example…a certain little boy who is notorious for spilling something on his clothes before we make it out the door…I always have a back up shirt/outfit ready to go…

2.       Checklist / Calendar – I’m notorious for lists…I have them everywhere….but it helps me keep a focus on what I need to do because in the rush of the morning I’m more than likely to forget something…especially if it’s not part of our normal routine…like special permission slips that need to be returned…       

3.       Wake up before everyone – ugggh!! Use this time to get yourself dressed and ready for the day…I really hate this but I have to admit it helps..not only to help me organize what I may have missed the night before…but also just to have those precious moments of golden silence before the chaos begins {And to watch something other than Nick Jr. for a few minutes} If you must, use this time to check emails/FB/Twitter/Pinterest…wait…stay OFF Pinterest! That can throw away the whole morning!!

4.       Have everything ready to go BEFORE you wake the kids up – Have breakfast on the table, juice/milk poured…whatever it is..have it ready…if your kids wait until after they are dressed to eat…have breakfast ready to pull out the microwave/fridge…have clothes laid out for children who can dressed themselves (tip: my 5 yr old goes a little overboard with the lotion so I squeeze out a small amount and put it on a little drink coaster for her) If you have everything ready before the kids wakeup you can just delegate…you go there…you bathroom…you get dressed..etc

5.       Now the fun part…actually getting the kids up – for now my toddlers wake up with no problem…the 5 yr old on the other hand is a different story {already asking for 10 extra minutes??} So I’ve developed a few techniques for her…some days I make it a contest/challenge…her against the clock…if she beats the clock she gets a prize after school;or bribe her with a special breakfast treat….maybe a smoothie or cookie with breakfast…hey it works! Also, I give warnings all morning....Hey we have 30 minutes to be out the door....15 minutes and we're leaving...etc. It seems to help rather than just saying come on now! Now, let me say establishing a set bedtime is VERY helpful to getting the kids up in themorning…I have mommy friends whose kids stay up all night…or way past hours that I think kids should be up…the weekends I let me 5 yr old stay up later but Monday – Friday….”heads in bed” is at 8:30!!

6.       Make note of the morning challenges and eliminate them – yes we want our kids to be able to self sufficient…but if you notice it takes your child FOREVER to tie their shoes in the morning…YOU tie them! You can work on their technique later when time is not of the essence. Sure your toddler likes to dress themselves…save that for bedtime….help them in the morning..

Now these are just a few tips that work for me…of course there is always that morning when nothing goes right…or something extra is added (like that last minute diaper blowout right before we walk out the door or breathing treatments in the morning..uggh!) Just plan plan plan to the best of your ability and if the unexpected happens….just take a deep breath and look at those little faces…before you blow up and lose your temper just think about what memory you want to create for them….do you want them to remember mommy being stressed and out of control….or cool, calm, and collected J {My children will have memories of BOTH!! Lol!}

What are your morning tips? I'd love to hear them....

Introducing...SWAKlife!

As a single parent, everything that transpires in your household depends solely on you. Seven out of ten households with children are sustained exclusively on the income of one parent. As you can visualize it gets unbelievably harder everyday to meet the difficulties of parenting. Childrearing has its challenges but it is very imperative that parents guarantee that their children are nurtured to develop as healthy individuals. At times there are instances where daily life struggles interrupt the simple plans of providing the simple luxuries it takes to supply a child daily. We at SWAKlife are elated about embarking on this wonderful opportunity to help those families. SWAKlife empathizes with how hard it is just to make it on a daily basis and we are here to provide, encourage, inspire and help nurture that parent that is nurturing the development of their child. The vision of SWAKlife is to reach out to the single male, female, grandparent, guardian or sibling that may be responsible for raising a child alone.

Please visit www.swaklife.org for more information!

I am SWAKlife!

Single mom, 3 kids under the age of six, full time job where I travel, 2 "babydaddies"...bills HIGH, cash low, overwhelming stress, dating, faith, family, friends....most importantly my kids!! Want to know more about this life??!

SWAKlife blog....coming soon! {Single With Amazing Kids!}