Monday, January 7, 2013

I'd want me as a parent!

Do you like the type of parent you are to your kids? I mean honestly think about what memories you are making for them. Besides being financially stable..I think I'm the perfect parent for my kids! I mean hey...I'm pretty cool...I'd want me as parent! But seriously, would I like them to have a mother and father in the same household? Sure! (or better yet, a father that was present in their lives PERIOD and not just a check daddy) But overall I think I do a pretty good job..and not because of what people see on the outside (nicely dressed, happy kids) but because of what I know happens on the inside. I really care about my children as individual beings and how the things I do today could affect them tomorrow. I know some parents are more caught up with APPEARING to be the perfect parent and not actually being the parent their kids need. I love love love love love my parents....and they were the best parents they knew how to be...and back in their day it was more about how children were "seen" by other parents. I feel a lot of my parents concerns were how we "appeared" to other people. As far as taking the time to really know me as an individual I would have to say that wasn't a top priority and even today our relationship is a bit strained at times because of it. It wasn't important for my parents to get to know me as a person, an individual. It was more important for me to just "act right"...which were strictly by their standards of what was right. It makes me reflect on the type of parent I want to be for my children and the memories I want them to have of me. I don't remember playing and laughing with my parents much...but I love when I'm being silly with my hear that genuine laughter and happiness when my 5yr old daughter says "mom, you're so silly" I know these will be the memories she has of least I hope so...and not the fact that I'm trying to take her mind off the cable being off because it wasn't a "chosen" bill this month! Lol! I take time to talk to my children and not at them all the time....really get into those little minds and I love our daily conversations. Boy do I learn a lot! And I hope I'm building the foundation for them to feel comfortable later when they are older to be able to talk to me about things. To this day I don't feel like I can freely talk to my parents...a grown 30 something female who cannot talk to my parents as a grown adult. I'm sad sometimes they have no idea who I really am. I try my very best not to repeat this with my children because I know how empty it can feel at times. Now, there are times though I get caught up in the hype when my 5 yr old decides she wants to dress herself for the day and I instantly think "oh my goodness, what are people going to think when they see her looking like that??".....but then I have a drink think about her expressing herself as an individual and how I would've LOVED to do that at her age and I carry on...

I won't lie...I do take pride when people tell me that I'm a "good" mom....but not because of what they see on the outside....but because of what I know on the inside...


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