Thursday, December 13, 2012

Sorry, It's not my day.....

When do I get excused from parenthood? When do I get to pick and choose which days I want to “play” parent?? When do I get to ignore my kids and have people say to the other parent “Well, you’re the one that chose her” When does it become acceptable for me to take care of my children based on the way I feel about the other parent…I mean since I don’t care for/love/like the other parent I shouldn’t have to care for their children right? When does my irresponsible behavior and bad life choices get to be excused because the other parent just made a bad choice when they slept with me??
So here it is….I hate hate hate when I’m talking about the absence of the “other parent” from my children’s life and the response I get is “well, you’re the one that chose him”

Really?? Is this the best you can think to say? So along with raising the children on my own I should just accept being a single parent because, yes, I slept with what was cleverly disguised as a man?? I just HATE this dismissive attitude towards the other parent like that just excuses him from all responsibility because I made the bad choice?? Well you know, when I found out I was pregnant with my first child…guess what…I wasn’t ready to be a parent….matter of fact, I was told that I would not be able to even get pregnant without the use of fertility drugs; sooo technically I shouldn’t have to own up to that responsibility right?? Or when I got pregnant the second time, I was only prepared for one baby so the fact that it turned out to be twins should excuse me right?? Nope, I wasn’t ready for any of this…but guess what? I accepted the fact that I brought life into this world…even when the other parent didn’t want me to…and I stepped up to the plate to be an adult...
Now I know there are indeed those situations where women sleep with men who already have children they are not taking care of and act surprised when, WOW they don’t take care of their child either. But not every case is like that.  And neither was mine. What about those who didn’t show their “true” colors until the relationship was over? I know couples that were married for many years where the husband was a seemingly loving father, but once the marriage ended, it was out of sight out of mind with the children. Spending time with their children was reduced to whether it was “their day” or not….
So those mothers not only accept the full responsibility of raising the children, but also the fact that they have to raise them alone because…hey, it’s not the other parent’s fault, it’s her because she chose him??
Such bullshit….grow up! That is not an excuse…you have children now…you should at least act older than them! I just feel like as long as the other parent's behavior is excused nothing will ever change. Women start to feel like bad mother's who "chose" the wrong man, start feeling deserving of the behavior of the other parent...the burden of guilt for the father they have "chosen" for their children can be heavy and great...
I can’t imagine my life without my children…it’s hard for me to even go throughout ONE day without missing them like crazy. I can’t sleep at night knowing they have a need that hasn’t been met. How is it so easy for you??
Was I ready to be a mother when I had my first child?? No..not at all.... but ready or not…a mother I’ve become…

1 comment:

  1. Totally agree with what you are saying. I was married to my first child's father for over 10 years and while we were married he was a pretty good dad; took time to play with our son and all that. But.....after we divorced I guess he decided to divorce our son too. My son would hear from his dad maybe every 6 months to a year sometimes. It's all good though because God gave me the strength to do what I had to do in raising him. He is grown now and unfortunately he still doesn't talk to his father. His attitude is 'he is grown now and he doesn't need his father; he wasn't there for him when he needed him so to hell with him'. These so called sperm donors need to realize that one day they are going to get old & those same kids that they kicked to the curb might be the very ones they'll need!!!!!