Tuesday, February 12, 2013

I don't date...

I remember being pregnant with my twins, thinking my life was over! I was already a single mom of one daughter and now I was about to be a single mom of not two, but THREE kids!!! Who in their right mind would want to date me?? I’m doomed to be alone forever! But after having my twins that fear quickly went away as I found myself in an unexpected position of MORE men wanting to date me?? How did that happen? You would think I would be excited that I wasn’t “off the market” but oddly enough, it was me that didn’t want to date or pursue a relationship...why?? Here are my reasons in no particular order but let’s just start with the “more” men I referred to earlier…
1.       A whole new world…of men!  Yes I found more men wanting to date me….men that probably would never give me the time of day before and vise versa. My highest “demand” category seemed to be men with more than one child. Men seemed to think that “hey…she has more than one child, I have more than one child…match made in heaven” Umm, no, not necessarily. Man + Woman + tribe of kids does not always = The Brady Bunch. The next highest demand category were older men who had children and didn’t want anymore and assumed that because I already have three I don’t want any more either….in this case…you are CORRECT! LOL! But these men usually have older children too and are past the tolerance level of dealing with small children like mine. And the last category is one that I hate….the men that figure I should be happy and thrilled that a man would want to talk to a single mom of 3 kids and I should feel happy with anything they have to offer….which most of the time isn’t much. As for this last group of men….don‘t even bother approaching me! My standards have not lowered because I have children…as a matter of fact they are HIGHER! Unfortunately for these men, my self-worth and self-esteem is not wrapped around a man wanting to be with me. I am very content being single and honestly don’t know if I’m even “built” for a relationship….
2.       My children need me! I think a lot of my lack of desire to date (not sex..dating…two different things) has to do with my children being so young. I have three kids under the age of 5….so it’s not like they can fend for themselves (even though I consider my 5 yr old to be almost an adult….she can dress herself, bathe herself, go to the bathroom by herself, even fix herself a sandwich, juice, and cereal…I mean what’s left??) My point is they are at the age where my undivided attention is needed…at ALL TIMES. Plus I know for a fact the twins are the last of my babies {unless I’m giving birth to the next Jesus!!} I really don’t like to share my time with them with anyone else. And really after taking care of three children all day who really has time to date?? Which brings me to random reason number  #3

3.       “Ain’t nobody got time for that” – this is pretty self explanatory….umm, I don’t have time for that. Between working full time {and yes I have a REAL job even though I work from home!!}  AND being a full time single parent to 3 kids under 5….there is really not much time left…seriously….and when there is free time….it’s not REALLY free time. It’s “ time to do what I can’t do when the kids aren’t around” time…like cleaning rooms, grocery shopping, throwing out toys they don’t play with anymore, getting the car washed because they are scared to death of the “drive through” car wash….oh, by the way, does any other parent use this as a threat for misbehaving? No…just me….oh….well never mind…I won’t tell you that story. Anyway, my point is…my “free” time no longer consists of anything that actually has to do with me enjoying myself….which brings me to random reason number #4
4.       I’m selfish with myself!! – Yep, I said it….99.9% of the time I have to think about three little people….so when I do get the rare free time, which is ACTUALLY free time…to actually do something for me…it usually doesn’t involve another human being. It involves ME, ME, and more ME. Things like….taking a full shower...washing my hair, shaving, AND scrubbing…..a pedicure/manicure, going to the bookstore and reading all the magazines that don’t involve being a parent, or just going to a restaurant and ordering a meal and actually enjoying it…by myself…without sharing….without having to stop every 5 minutes and cut someone’s food, or clean a spill, or breaking up a food fight, or trying to explain why they can’t drink mommy’s juice (wine).

5.       It’s expensive!! Yes, even though I might be on a date where the man is paying for the meal and entertainment….trust me…my cost is just as significant as any meal or movie he might pay for! There is the hair, nails, outfit, makeup, and the most expensive cost of all {insert dramatic music} THE BABYSITTER!!!  Do men have any freaking idea how much a babysitter costs???? For three kids??? Between $12-15 an hour….and most have a minimum time of 3-4 hours…and then some have a mileage charge in addition to the fees!! So now I have paid probably well above what he has paid, for a meal where I feel like I’m interviewing for a job….and let’s pray the conversation is good because if not I have to endure at least 4 hours of boring date time….OR WORSE if the date IS good, I only have 4 hours of date time before I have to leave, because at some point I have to cut the date short to get back home in time for my babysitter to leave before charging me for extra time…..uggh! Sometimes the date is not worth all the trouble! Geez! *I do have an alternative for dating “after hours”….go on “lunch” dates! It’s almost perfect….you don’t have to pay for a babysitter because the kids are in school/daycare….you’re only required to look “business” hot (plus you get to see how he looks in a suit or business attire)...there is a defined beginning and end to the date because you have to get back to the office at some point….so if the date is going bad, you only have to endure it for an hour….and if the date is good then you know if it’s worth spending the extra money to date “after hours”…LOL!

6.       Let me Cater to you: Most men think because you are a mother, you are nurturing and caring….which to them is code for “cater to me”. Umm, no….true I am nurturing and caring….to my children, not grown men! Really after taking care of 3 other human beings and myself all the time….the LAST thing I want to do is cater to another human being! How about YOU cater to ME!!

So there you have it….why I will be alone forever don’t date!


  1. LOL Great read and insight into the mind of a single mother... PUBLISH THIS ARTICLE!

  2. Good read. I do have several questions though, but alas not enough room to ask them. Look forward to more articles!

    1. Thanks!

      Send me your questions...I'll be happy to answer ;)

  3. Good blog Niki! Im glad you separated dating and sexing. Lunch dates are the ish...and breakfast ones too!

  4. Thanks!
    Not sure about those breakfast dates...hmmm...mighty early for a date! Lol!

  5. Did I write this myself or did you? Hahahahahaha... Talk about OVERstanding and relating! Keep up the great transparency and genuity! Blessings will be born of your truths! #AMEN

    1. Our conversations were definitely in my thoughts when I wrote this!!