So the other day I’m with a group of mothers…to give you some background info…most of us have more than one child and some are mother’s of multiples….but not all are single parents. Anyway, I asked a question in regards to my twins and the first person to speak up was a married mother with one child. While it was true that I did direct my question to the group as a whole, I really EXPECTED one of the mother’s with multiples to answer…so I immediately went on the defense when this married mother of one answered. For one…you are married…you have help! Two….you have ONE child, not three and definitely not multiples so how can you relate to what I’m speaking about?? And THREE….not to judge, but your child doesn’t have the BEST behavior…so maybe you want to take some “advice” and give it to yourself! Too harsh?? Probably…but hey those were my thoughts. Now I didn’t say any of this out loud…but I know my facial expressions speak volumes! The more I thought about my reaction to her advice I did feel a little bad. I thought geez…we are all mothers right? She was only trying to help. But I guess when I seek advice from a person, I want to feel that person has the same level of experience, preferably MORE experience to be able to provide me with sound advice, right? Personally, I only give advice on things I know from experience, so I always find it surprising when people give advice in areas they have no expertise/experience in. I even have this issue with my own mother, who feels that she is an expert because she has raised three children (30+ years ago!!)…and while she of course did a fabulous job (I mean look at me..) there are still certain areas in which we cannot relate…for example being a single parent. Now my mom was a married “single” parent when it came to raising us (meaning that my father’s role did not include raising the children…that was strictly my mother’s area) but unlike me she never had to worry about anything financially. Never! She moved from her father’s house to marrying my dad. And my dad took care of all the bills so her focus could be on the children. Now I’m not saying that she cannot give me advice at all, but there are just certain areas in which we clash because she cannot relate. Where she only had to fry the bacon, I have to fry it and bring it home too….so she doesn’t understand that just because the kids need new shoes, I have to wait until the budget (a concept she has yet to grasp) allows for that expense; whereas she can go to the mall and gets 3 pairs of shoes without blinking an eye. My biggest peeve are mother’s who have children close in age and tell me it’s “like” raising twins? Umm, no…it’s not “like” raising twins….its “like” raising kids who are close in age. Ohhhh Ohhhh wait..I take that back!! Without a doubt my biggest peeve are women who compare having a pet to raising a child???!!!!! Really?? Now don’t get me wrong…I’m a pet lover. In fact before I had children of my own, I had a dog, Jasmine, who was yes, “my baby”. BUT I never thought to myself “this is what it must be like to raise a child” I clearly understood the difference between “my baby” being an animal versus being a human being. I even had one pet mom argue with me that her pet “child” had clothes, went to “dog” school, and she even paid for “doggie” daycare. Ooookay…but those are all personal choices you made for your dog, not necessities. You can choose to leave your dog home alone if you want to without any legal consequences or fear of them dying. AND…until I can go on vacation and leave my kids in a kennel…you have no leverage with me on that….end of discussion!!!
I guess overall I want to do what’s best for my children and when it involves an area where I’m still learning, I want to know what other moms “in that situation” do/have done. Is that wrong?
So what do you think? Can you relate or am I a mommy snob? You can tell me…I can handle it! How do you feel as a single parent when a married parent gives you advice? Come on…don’t leave me hanging feeling like a bad mommy!!